“ You are afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control but you never had control, all you had was anxiety.” Elizabeth Gilbert
I am naturally not an anxious person, but there are some situations that automatically trigger my anxiety. Although, as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed I’m more mellow and less anxious even about my triggers. And it really boils down to how I handle anxiety.
One of my anxiety triggers
When my son was younger, one of my triggers was his education. We had several disagreements with the school about his educational plan (IEP) and they were very stressful and anxiety-laden.
And I tried to pray about it and bring it to God as it says in Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The problem
The problem was I never felt the peace the verse talked about. Instead, I found myself constantly wrestling with the issue and dealing with the same anxiety even after praying about it.
My journal entries during that time were filled with anxious thoughts that I wanted God to take away. Yet I didn’t know why they didn’t go away after I prayed about them. I certainly wasn’t feeling peace, even though the verse says …the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
So what was I doing wrong?
My mistake
Now that I have the wisdom of hindsight, the problem was I wasn’t bringing my anxiety to God, even though I thought I was. Turns out, I was just telling Him what the problem was and asking Him to intervene but never actually bringing up my anxiety. I was too busy focused on the school’s educational plan. But I wasn’t spending any time finding out why I was feeling anxious to begin with. I wasn’t getting to the root of my anxiety.
The root of my anxiety
To find the root, I needed to lean into the anxiety and become vulnerable and honest with myself. I needed to ask myself why I was anxious about the IEP meeting. This process can be uncomfortable, messy and sometimes doesn’t feel good but there’s a whole lot of freedom waiting on the other side.
The truth was, I was struggling with accepting my own powerlessness in this situation. Anxiety forces me to come face to face with my limitations and my lack of control. And I don’t like it.
The solution
The only way to eliminate the anxiety was to acknowledge those feelings and confess them to God. I needed to shift my prayer from asking God to intervene in the situation to admitting my weakness. Instead of, “Father, open a door” to, “Father, I feel so helpless, out of control and weak. I don’t want to fail my son but I feel so powerless.”
Then I need to place my trust in God, because the reality is even though I may feel helpless, I’m not. The truth is:
- This situation is beyond my control but it’s not beyond God’s. He is in control.
- I am weak but God is strong and He can still work through me.
- I am powerless but God is powerful and He is on my side.
Above all, God loves my son more than I do. And He knows exactly what my son needs because He knows everything about my son, even things I don’t know. What I also needed to remember was that just because this isn’t something I would’ve chosen for him doesn’t mean this isn’t the best path for him. After all God’s plans are so much better than mine (Isaiah 55:8). He knows exactly what my son needs to thrive better than I do.
What I’m learning
Conquering anxiety begins with being honest with ourselves and learning to embrace vulnerability, admit weakness and accept our lack of control. It requires taking the time to find the root cause of our anxiety and bringing that to God in prayer and trusting Him with everything we’re lacking. I’ve found when I do this then I have the peace the Bible talks about.