My last post dealt with the four anchors that grounded my marriage and prevented it from becoming a statistic. I want to point out that although we had these anchors in place, it didn’t mean we didn’t have conflict. The anchors were there only for support. It was still up to us to see the best in each other and fight for our marriage.
This meant we faced conflict. All kinds of conflict. There were times we had to discuss issues we’d rather not. Other times we kept rehashing the same issues over and over again. That was beyond frustrating. I’m not going to mention the issues that took days to resolve. Days!
A vast majority of these conflicts stemmed from personal insecurities and fears and had nothing to do with my husband. I needed to work through those feelings to get to the root cause; sometimes that took time. And I used to think to myself, is it worth it? Why even bring it up? Wouldn’t it be better to ignore it and sweep it under the rug? In the early years of marriage that seemed like a great choice but I’ve been married long enough to know how harmful that can be.
Ignoring feelings and pushing them aside doesn’t make them go away. It will come out one way or another, sometimes in sarcastic digs. Other times it keeps building up until it explodes. Either way, they are barriers to intimacy and prevent the marriage from growing deeper.
The best way to deal with conflict is to embrace it, not fear it. Although everyone wants to live in harmony, when there are two or more people conflict is inevitable. But it isn’t always bad, if we work through it, there’s potential for growth. My husband and I don’t always agree on everything, we have differing opinions on some issues. But taking the time to work through those differences strengthens the marriage and draws us closer together. And we always wind up learning something about ourselves and each other.