It’s fair to say everyone’s faced challenges and gone through difficult times and Mary Ann’s life was no exception. She was involved in a car accident when she was a teenager (read about it here). She struggled through two years of infertility. Then there was everything that happened the weeks after finding out she was pregnant, which is mentioned here.
But all that pales compared to when her son, M got diagnosed with Perthes disease (also referred to as Legg-Calve-Perthes) because it did something all her previous difficulties did not; it reopened old wounds.
Perthes
According to John Hopkins Medicine, Perthes is a rare condition that affects less than 1 percent of the population with boys having a greater risk than girls.
It’s a hip disorder that usually occurs between the ages of 4 -10. Mayo Clinic describes it as when the “blood supply to the ball part (femoral head) of the hip joint is temporarily interrupted and the bone begins to die.” This can cause it to break apart and lose its round shape. Although the blood supply will eventually return to the femoral head, if it loses its shape, it will cause pain and stiffness because it can’t fit into the socket properly. So it’s important to avoid anything that would cause the bone to break, namely jumping or running.
The emotional impact of the diagnosis
Getting the diagnosis was one of the most emotionally taxing seasons in Mary Ann’s life. First, she had to work through her own grief AND support M through his at the same time.
It meant she couldn’t openly grieve because she had to remain strong for M. Because although, he understood Perthes intellectually, living it was very different. There were a lots of things he couldn’t do anymore. As a result, Mary Ann’s job was to make sure he didn’t get discouraged by keeping his focus on what he could do rather than what he couldn’t.
Finding the balance
Secondly, there was the struggle of finding the right balance between being cautious and being controlling. Making sure Perthes wasn’t taking over their lives, yet also not ignoring it and pretending it wasn’t an issue. It wasn’t easy trying to find a middle ground where M could still be active while being mindful of his limitations. It’s a lot simpler said than done.
Managing grief
Thirdly, she was grieving for her son. Kids diagnosed with Perthes have to avoid high-impact activities, like running and jumping (BetterHealth Channel). The very same activities that dominated M’s world.
M was only 5 years old when he received the diagnosis. At that age, it’s difficult to watch friends and siblings play while you sat on the sidelines, unable to participate. It was challenging for him to suddenly stop the things he liked to do. And it was very hard for Mary Ann to watch him struggling with his new reality.
Largely, because it brought back memories of her recovery from the car accident. Mary Ann was initially told she wouldn’t be able to walk again. So she spent most of her recovery, grieving. Watching all her friends carry on with their lives while she was saying goodbye to hers. Witnessing M struggling with the physical limitations of Perthes brought all those feelings back.
It was like reliving the trauma all over again except through M’s perspective. It was difficult enough having lived through it once but watching M struggle with the same issues was even more painful.
Being angry at God
So much so that Mary Ann was mad at God. He knew what she had gone through emotionally, physically and mentally surviving her car accident. He knew all about the heartache and trauma she went through. Yet here she is reliving that pain again but this time through her son’s eyes. To be back in that similar situation was unbelievable.
Mary Ann felt betrayed. She couldn’t understand why God would allow her to go through another traumatic experience. Hadn’t she already gone through so much already? Did she have to go through something else? It simply wasn’t fair.
Sometimes we just don’t know
In truth, sometimes we just don’t know God’s plan. There are going to be circumstances we don’t understand that challenge and question our faith. There will be times we’re not going to find the good, no matter how hard we look.
It’s during these difficult times when we have to turn our eyes away from our circumstances. We need to allow faith and trust to kick in even though everything looks bad. Because although we don’t have the answers, God does.
Working through the anger
It’s okay to be angry at God and still have a relationship with him. They aren’t mutually exclusive. There are some things that are, like fear. We can’t hold onto both fear and God. We will either be listening to fear or listening to God but we can’t listen to both. Anger, however isn’t like that. We can still cling to God while we work through it.
So it’s crucial to take time to work through and process the anger. No matter how long it takes. But there’s no need to abandon our relationship with God just because we’re working through our feelings.
Finding hope
For Mary Ann there was nothing positive about M’s diagnosis. It was terrible for her to watch her son struggle with the emotional and physical ramifications of Perthes.
But having gone through the car wreck, she understood perfectly the pain of losing an ability you once had. Based on this, she knew the kind of help and support M needed. She also understood his frustrations even if he didn’t have the words to express them. It was this knowledge that made her the best candidate to support M both emotionally and physically.
Unexpected surprise
For 18 months Mary Ann dealt with the emotional sorrow of Perthes. Then miraculously, it corrected itself. Subsequent x-rays showed no sign of Perthes. This meant M could resume all the jumping and running he had missed out on for over a year of his life.
It was such an unexpected surprise and Mary Ann was so thankful. However, as was true throughout her story, in the midst of joy, sorrow popped its head.
Mary Ann was so busy dealing with Perthes that M’s other struggles were shoved to the back of her mind. Until it accosted her once again, this time demanding to be heard.