Mary Ann wasn’t fully awake but through her drowsiness, she heard it. The strong, steady beat of her baby’s heart. He had survived!
Physically and emotionally trying time
As was true throughout her pregnancy, the joy of knowing the baby pulled through was overshadowed by her recovery from major surgery and all the pain and discomfort it brought.
Mary Ann wondered what more she would have to go through to bring this baby into the world.
What more could she give?
Could her body even take anymore?
It was already pushed to the limit and it was only her first trimester. But it wasn’t just her physical health, her mental health was also affected. The pregnancy was an emotional roller-coaster, she was going through a whole gamut of feelings in a matter of minutes.
Joy and grief
So it was surreal when Mary Ann came back to the same hospital to deliver her baby. She was feeling a mix of joy and post-traumatic stress.
Joy, because she was finally delivering the baby she had fought so hard to have. At the same time, the trauma of her previous three visits came flooding back just as real and intense as the joy she was feeling.
As she was leaving the hospital with her brand new baby boy*, Mary Ann realized joy and sorrow can coexist. It would be a recurring theme throughout her journey.
*Since this is Mary Ann’s story, we will be referring to her son as M to respect his privacy.
Her sensitive baby
Mary Ann was prescribed some serious medications during her pregnancy because of all her complications. Although the doctors made sure they were all safe for pregnant women, Mary Ann was apprehensive.
In the back of her mind, she worried it would affect the baby. It wasn’t until she saw M smile for the first time that she relaxed. Because she believed it meant everything was going to be alright even though M was a fussy baby.
In fact, the entire first year of M’s life, all Mary Ann did was hold him. Not that it calmed him down, he just wasn’t as fussy.
It even got to the point where Mary Ann couldn’t leave the house anymore because M hated the car seat and cried the entire time.
The only way to ride in a car with M was if Mary Ann stayed in the back with him, while her husband drove. This made it very difficult for Mary Ann to go anywhere without her husband.
At the time, she wasn’t overly concerned about M’s behavior, she chalked it up to him being a sensitive baby.
Mary Ann’s concerns
But as he got older, Mary Ann began to notice more atypical behavior. The problem was, no one else seemed concerned. Largely due to the fact M was a bright child. He began speaking in clear, complete sentences by the time he was 15 months. In addition, he didn’t have any developmental delays or physical disabilities. These factors made it simple for his struggles to go unnoticed.
It was easier to believe everything was alright and find excuses for M’s behavior, rather than exploring the reasons behind them. However, no amount of reassurance could completely take away Mary Ann’s suspicions, which had taken permanent residence in the back of her mind.
But as M started school it was getting harder to ignore his behavior. Especially when Mary Ann saw how noticeably different it was compared to his peers. However, she found it difficult to voice her concerns especially when they were being dismissed. Unfortunately, she would have more pressing matters to deal with when circumstances took an unexpected turn.