When Megan started this journey, of all the unknowns the one she least expected was the waiting. She wishes someone would’ve told her about it. Instead, she felt blindsided by the long periods of silence, not knowing when she would get an answer.
Those were the toughest times of her journey. Because it was in the waiting when fear crept in, whispering it’s harrowing versions of the future, triggering Megan’s own worries and anxieties. Had she known about the long delays and gaps in getting answers, she would’ve been prepared.
Three years in, and she knows it’s an inevitable part of the journey. If she could go back in time, Megan would tell her younger self to be patient in the waiting. Because despite her best efforts the answers won’t arrive any sooner.
But waiting isn’t limited to the time before we receive our child’s diagnosis. It applies to all areas of our life.
Patience in our relationship with God
There will be waiting in our faith. We’re not always going to see our hopes materialized. Prayers won’t necessarily get answered in the time and manner we desire. Other times, our situation may get worse, in spite of our prayers. When this happens, our faith is tested.
But be patient. Just because circumstances look bleak doesn’t mean they will always remain that way. Remember, God is working even if we can’t see it or feel it. So instead of angrily pushing Him away, be patient. Allow Him to finish His work before we judge it.
Patience in our marriage
There will also be a period of waiting in our marriage. Learning our child has a disability is a season of adjustment. We have to come to terms with the diagnosis individually and as a couple.
There may be a redefining of roles and/or relearning how to support each other. But it will take time and lots of trial and error to figure it out. So be patient with the marriage during this transition as each partner learns to adjust and adapt. Because marriages becomes stronger the more we learn to work together as a team and overcome our adversities.
Patience with other people
We will also be waiting on people who work with our child, whether they be doctors, therapists, teachers, etc. It’s important to remember they are trying their best. Sometimes despite all their efforts, they may not have all the answers. There will be times when they will fall short of our expectations and/or make mistakes. So be patient with them, knowing their goal is to help our children.
Patience with our children
We will also be waiting on our child. It will take time for them to master skills. To discover their capabilities and to train their bodies to accomplish tasks which are difficult for them.
They may take one step forward and two steps back. Or they may regress entirely. But be patient. Celebrate every triumph and appreciate where they are, even if they’ve regressed.
Remembering, as Megan says “your child’s day to shine will come. They will have successes.” So while we wait, be patient.
Patience with yourself
Lastly, let’s not forget ourselves. We may feel overwhelmed, inadequate and invisible. We may wonder if we will ever get our act together. Be patient.
We won’t handle everything gracefully. Some days, months, and even years are going to be hard. There will be times when we have no idea what we’re doing. Sometimes we may feel stupid for not knowing.
There may be days our house is a disaster and we don’t have the energy to pick it up. There will even be times when we’ve handled a situation badly.
If we go looking for inadequacies, we will always find them. Instead celebrate our victories and embrace our failures, knowing we will have both. Above all, remember we are a work in process, so be patient.
Megan’s journey
Megan is still navigating through the maze of unknowns. But she understands it’s her season of life and no matter how much she dislikes it, she’s learning to embrace it.
Carson is now 4 years old and has started Pre-K. There are many aspects of his diagnosis that are still a mystery and it’s too early in the journey to know how many of those will be answered. While she’s waiting, Megan’s learning a lot.
She’s dealt with fears, unknowns, ambiguity, and lots of waiting. She understands she won’t have all the details planned out perfectly. There will be many broken pieces, as she calls them, scattered everywhere. She knows no matter how hard she tries, she can’t put them all together in a way that makes sense. Because she wasn’t meant to do it on her own.
Instead, she takes all the unconnected pieces, all the unanswered questions, and gives them to God. Trusting He knows how they fit. After all, He’s in control. He’s got the answers and in His time he will reveal the masterpiece He’s created. Until then, Megan’s going to continue to put her faith in God and be patient in the waiting.
Next post
The next post will contain the list of resources that helped Megan get through her dark times.