We’ve been reading Shelly’s story for the last several posts (you can read more about it here, here, here and here) One aspect of her life I was very curious about was how she managed to work full-time, take care of two girls with unique needs and also volunteer with different agencies. Interestingly, instead of touting her organizational skills, Shelly simply responded with “it takes a village.”
The concept of village intrigued me. I hear it talked about often but I actually saw it in action in Shelly’s story.
The definition of village
Generally speaking, anyone with a uniquely abled child already has a village to some degree. They include doctors, specialists, therapist and educational professionals. These are the mandatory members of our village. Without their support, our families wouldn’t thrive.
But Shelly wasn’t limiting the village to only this group. She was also talking about other people who make up her village.
One is family. Shelly and her husband Coby have the advantage of having a very loving and supportive family who live close by. They’ve been an invaluable support. Naturally, not everyone has that luxury. However, regardless of distance, family is part of our village.
In addition, a village also consists of friends. It’s important to note, in the absence of family, friends are an excellent substitute.
Lastly, there’s community. This consists of the neighborhood we live in, the people our kids go to school with, etc. All these people make up our village.
We’re going to look at Shelly’s story and see what she did to create her village.
Ask for help
Shelly mentioned in the early years (when the girls were little), she wasn’t doing well. But what I found interesting was the fact, she wasn’t afraid to ask for help.
She told me in those early years, all she did was tell her friends (or anyone who would listen) she needed help. Shelly didn’t hide this fact from anyone. Instead she let everyone know. In doing so, she allowed people to become a part of her village.
It may not be easy to ask for assistance. Or even admit we need help. But we don’t need to be embarrassed, ashamed or afraid. Especially if we remember, this is the first step towards creating our village. Asking for help allows others in.
Be intentional
The second step Shelly took was to be intentional. Now that we’ve invited people into our village by asking for help, we need to make sure we continue to build our relationship with them. There will be distractions, scheduling conflicts, even pandemics that will try to pull us apart. It’ll be easy to convince ourselves we can get together later when our lives are less busy…or when the kids are older…or… fill in the blank. There will always be reasons why we can’t get together. That’s why we need to be intentional.
Shelly seizes opportunities whenever they present themselves. She’s connected with friends during long car rides. She’s meet up with friends during lunch breaks. Or gotten together for a quick cups of coffee if she finds time. It’s not always effortless but she makes it a point to try.
I want to mention, this isn’t the same as connecting through social media. Social media is great but getting together in real life or even having an actual phone conversation deepens and strengthens our relationship more.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
Being intentional not only means spending time with the people in our village, but it also means being vulnerable. It means opening up our life and allowing others in. Shelly puts it this way, it means ‘welcoming whoever knocks on your door, even if the house is messy.’
Sometimes we just need to be real. We need to be okay with where we are at the moment. Messy house and all. There’s no need to be ashamed of our normal. Villages aren’t create by clean homes but open doors and vulnerability.
Community
The other group of people we shouldn’t overlook in our village is our community. We should try to be a part of our community.
Shelly says her goal has always been about ‘bringing the world into disability and pulling her girls out of it.’ This means making disability a normal, natural part of life. Instead of something sequestered in special classrooms or programs. Or hidden behind closed doors in authorized personnel only rooms. But on display for everyone to see. Until disability is such a natural part of society no one looks twice when they see an individual with a disability.
Becoming a part of our community doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as going for a walk in our neighborhood. Greeting our neighbors as we pull into the driveway. Attending school activities, etc.
Everyone living on Shelly’s street knows the girls. So much so, Shelly knows if she needs help, she can count on any one of her neighbors. That’s what being a village is all about.
Villages are not just for children
Hearing Shelly’s story emphasized how beneficial a village can be. Not only in our children’s lives but in ours as well. Because a group of people helping and supporting each other creates an environment where we all flourish.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) puts it this way, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”
That’s just with 2 people, now imagine if there was a whole village.