In my journey as a mom of a child with a disability, some disappointments trip me up. It’s frustrating when plans don’t work out, systems that should be in place aren’t and agencies that should be providing support don’t. And it’s particularly hard when I keep hitting one roadblock after another like I’m weaving through a minefield of setbacks.
Disappointment
Any time our expectations don’t align with our outcome we open the door for disappointment. Brené Brown in her book Atlas of the Heart, likens them to paper cuts. They can be temporary minor nuisances but they can also wound us if they’re deep or we’re covered in them (Brown 52). Then it can lead to discouragement, regret and even discontentment.
Disappointment can’t be avoided. Although the minor nuisances are easy to handle, the ones that cut deep can cause problems if we don’t deal with them. As Daniel H. Pink eloquently puts it in his book The Power of Regret, when we don’t deal with our negative emotions “[i]t intensifies them, and the contaminants leach into the ground soil of our lives” (52). That’s why it’s important to treat them before they become debilitating.
My strategy
There are probably a myriad of ways to combat disappointment. This is what has worked for me.
Acknowledge the issue
It’s so easy to shove our feelings aside, but that doesn’t make them go away. It’s still there. And it will keep reminding us of its presence. It also has the potential to discourage us from moving forward. The only way to overcome it is by dealing with it. Admit things aren’t going as planned. Acknowledge the difference between your expectations and the outcome.
Transform the mindset
Changing how we view setbacks is also key. It’s important to remember, that disappointments don’t define us. They happen to everyone. And we’re not failures because things didn’t go as expected. We are the same person after the setback as we were before. The essence of who we are has not changed. The only difference is now there’s an opportunity for growth and learning.
Trust God
The greatest tool against discouragement is God. It’s comforting to know God’s on our side and He has our back. And if we’re experiencing setbacks, there’s a reason. Ultimately, no matter how good our plans are, God’s are better. Trusting God means believing He’s still moving and His timing is always perfect even if He isn’t following OUR playbook. This step requires a bit of humility.
Move forward
Once we’ve dealt with the emotions, transformed our mindset and placed our trust in God then we need to move forward and take the next step. And it starts with looking at the situation objectively and seeing if there’s anything to learn. Do plans need to be adapted? Or do they need to change or go in a completely different direction? And then create a new goal. If we aren’t willing to take the next step and move forward, we will always be stuck in our disappointment.
The bottom line
Disappointments are part of life. Some are minor inconveniences, we swat away like pesky flies. Others wound deeply and, if left untreated, can make us bitter. That’s why it’s important to take time to deal with those negative emotions and not brush them aside. The sooner we acknowledge the problem, change our mindset and put our trust in God the quicker we can move forward and take the next step.