I was beyond frustrated. I had thoroughly researched the idea and came up with very convincing reasons why it was a necessity. But it needed to be approved by the team and they were against the plan. Even before meeting with me, they had already made up their minds it was not going to happen – I didn’t know it at the time. So rather than the open-minded people who were willing to hear the problem AND find a solution, I was presenting to people who were interested in neither.
They would deny this and would point to the fact they had agreed to meet with me. Although this was true, they weren’t listening which was quite obvious by their lack of questions. Neither did they take the time to look at it from my perspective. That would be messy. It was easier to stand behind the security of policies and procedures rather than do what was right. It was infuriating.
Locked doors
In these kinds of situations, I wish life was like the tv shows I grew up watching as a child. Problems were always solved by the end of each episode. In my case, this issue has dragged on for years with no resolution in sight. The door remains bolted and locked to this day. And the key is nowhere in sight.
I often wonder if power, influence and money were on my side would that be the key to open shut doors? And the answer is no, it wouldn’t. Policies won’t change quicker or move faster because there’s more money or influence involved. Change takes time.
I was frustrated with God, the organization and myself. Especially since the issue was about services that are available to everyone except my son because of his disability. That bothers me. It’s sad that people with disabilities are thought of very little when making policies and procedures. I would’ve thought as advanced and knowledgeable as we are today we would’ve progressed further in our treatment of people with disabilities. Yet, it’s the 21st century and I’m still fighting for equal rights.
God’s the key
What hindsight has taught me is just because I received a ‘no’ for now, doesn’t mean it will always be that answer. I have no idea how God is working. I wanted the solution right away. There was no time for delays, I couldn’t wait days, months or even years when the need is now. But I realized I’m only seeing what’s happening center stage, I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. And just because I’m not seeing change doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
Not only that, what if God has something better in mind? This was my solution, the only idea I entertained because I couldn’t see other options. But what if there was another answer? And God was in the process of implementing it.
What I’m learning
The truth is I have no idea. There are so many unknowns in this journey of faith. But disappointments are guaranteed and if we learn from them, they can be life’s greatest teachers. They build resilience and reveal qualities that would’ve otherwise remained hidden.
There will be times when plans don’t go according to expectations. And it can be discouraging. But instead of focusing on the negative, I remind myself that God’s still on the throne. He’s working. And His ways are so much better than mine. All I need to do is trust Him. I don’t need money, influence or power, God is the only key I will ever need to open locked doors.
I look forward to sharing how this story ends but until then I continue to do my part and trust God in all things.
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT