I’m sitting in my home, enjoying the quietness. It was a rough night last night and I am emotionally and physically worn.
Have you ever had those kinds of days?
Just thinking about the demands of the day makes me want to crawl back into bed because I don’t know if I have the energy for it, physically or mentally. I know for sure, my patience threshold is low, meaning I have little to no patience.
My patience threshold
In my world, this is a crisis because patience is a precious commodity and without it, my world doesn’t function well.
I need patience to deal with my son. And his needs don’t diminish on the days I am feeling sick (or not feeling myself) even though my capacity to meet his needs has waned.
Add to the fact, my son isn’t very intuitive. He’s not good at reading cues. This means even if I stay cuddled in a blanket, blowing my nose, and throwing up into a bucket, he’s not connecting the dots and has no idea what it means or how it’s going to affect him. He’s certainly not thinking “Mom can’t help me today.”
So he will continue to expect me to meet his needs; regardless, of who else may be around. I like to think it’s because he loves me the best. Or that the water tastes so much sweeter when I pour it into a cup and hand it to him, than when someone else does. Or the food is so much more appetizing when I prepare it than someone else. I’m choosing to believe this is why he insists on asking me for everything.
However, when I explained to him (for the hundredth time in 15 minutes) that I’m not feeling well and can’t help him and he needs to ask someone else. But, he insists on only asking me, let’s just say there’s absolutely no patience left in my bank.
Intervention
Normally, I will still manage to take care of him even when I’m not feeling well because sometimes I have no other choice. But today, I was totally depleted and thankfully I had help. My husband has taken Caleb with him, so I can recuperate.
And it’s just me in the house and I’m loving the quietness. The stillness.
Fun fact, my house is NEVER quiet. I actually enjoy the noise, it reminds me there’s life happening within these walls. But on days when I’m not feeling well or feeling a little depleted, I need the quiet more.
The quiet allows me to just be. It allows me to breathe. It’s like someone pushed the pause button and time has stood still and it’s just me in my little bubble. There are no demands. No roles I have to perform. No tasks that need to be completed.
It’s just me only doing things I want to…WHEN I want to do them.
I can actually sit in silence and complete a thought.
I can even eat a meal and read my book without any interruptions. I’ve actually read 3 chapters, quite an accomplishment since normally I can’t finish one paragraph without getting interrupted.
My purely selfish day
It’s been a purely selfish day and I’m loving it. In fact, I took an exceptionally long, warm shower and feel even more refreshed. My head still hurts a bit but other than that I feel great.
I love my family and am so thankful for all the joy they bring into my life. I’m grateful for all the noise and the life that happens inside my home. I’m thankful there are people in my life to interrupt my thoughts. I love all that. But today I need a little time for myself; to do nothing but cater to my needs. A purely selfish day. A day dedicated to refresh and recharge myself so that I can be more loving and appreciative of the blessings God has given me. It allows me to be the best version of myself to the people I love and cherish the most.
I hope you get an opportunity to take a purely selfish day. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or even an entire day. It could be something as simple as sitting down and having a quiet moment to yourself. Whatever it is, enjoy it to the fullest with no guilt because you are worth caring for.
Additional Resources:
Here are some suggestions by Dr. Anabel Bejarano for better self-care