My son, Caleb is a happy, joyful person most of the time. He’s a creature of habit who thrives in structured, predictable environments. But he’s an entirely different person when he’s confronted with change or the unexpected. They stress him out. And he winds up getting very upset.
When he was younger, he displayed his emotions by throwing himself on the ground or spitting. As he’s gotten older the way he displays his emotions has also changed. He now vocalizes his displeasure and/or becomes aggressive. And it doesn’t matter where he is, if he’s upset he will let you know. His biggest negative trigger is an unplanned, unexpected change in routine.
One of the most stressful situations is when the unexpected happens when we’re in public. If we’re at an outing and Caleb gets upset, there’s a high chance he may accidentally hurt himself or others. And even though everyone is understanding of his public outbursts, it’s a situation we’d like to avoid. But the reality is, there’s no way I can prepare Caleb for every eventuality. It’s just not possible. So I needed to figure out another way to handle this situation.
Being reactionary
In the beginning, I was reactionary. I was more focused on how to get through it rather than thinking about creating a plan to help Caleb cope. This strategy was a total fail. For example, if I had to unexpectedly pick up his siblings from school, convincing Caleb to come with me was a nightmare. And it wasn’t just getting him out of the house, getting him in and out of the car wasn’t easy either. Getting Caleb to do anything outside his routine was hard. Spontaneity is his nemisis.
And yet the way I chose to handle this situation was by making no plan. I’m not sure what I was thinking but Caleb and I went through a lot of unnecessary stress because of it.
The happy accident
I probably would be living my life exactly the same way, if it weren’t for a happy accident I discovered while on vacation: Caleb loved carrying around the backpack cooler. He didn’t know it was a cooler, he thought it was a backpack. And he was so happy to go anywhere with that cooler. All the minor changes we experienced didn’t dampen his mood. He remained happy and upbeat.
Seeing how easy it was for Caleb to navigate the unexpected with the backpack cooler, I decided to see what would happen if I had him carry his regular backpack the next time there was a change in his schedule, and we had to do something unexpected. All I can say is, it worked beautifully!
I have absolutely no idea why it works. Just as long as it helps him, I’m good. That’s why, now I keep a backpack ready to go at all times. It contains a favorite book or two, activities, small toys, his EpiPen, tissues and wipes. I routinely change the books and activities in the backup so he doesn’t get bored.
I also throw in snacks and a water bottle right before we head out the door. However, in emergencies, I tend to forget about them. Regardless, having that backpack has been the best way to bring Caleb some predictability during the unexpected. And it sets him up for success.
A parent’s best weapon
Caleb still doesn’t like change. Unfortunately, we can’t escape it and the only way to deal with it is to be prepared and have a plan.
So if there’s an area your child struggles with, look for tools that will help them succeed. Being prepared is a parent’s best weapon. And don’t be like me and go years without a plan.