Transition is a word I’ve come to associate with the change from infant/child services to adult services. There may be other definitions but this is what’s been seared into my brain ever since my son, Caleb started school. I’m thankful for the information. Making plans for Caleb’s future after high school wasn’t at the forefront of my mind when he started preschool. But just as important – and rarely talked about – is having a parental transition plan. It’s not just the child’s life that changes after high school, it’s the parents as well. And it’s important to make sure we don’t neglect our needs.
My transition journey
After Caleb graduated from high school, my world changed. While Caleb was in school, I got a 7-hour built-in respite each day doing whatever I wanted. And I took full advantage of it. I volunteered, took a small part-time job, hosted a Bible study and spent time going out to lunch with family and friends. It was great! But once Caleb graduated, my entire schedule was tossed out the window. I had to step back. No more volunteering, no more job, no more hosting Bible studies, no more spontaneous lunches or shopping trips. My days revolved around Caleb and his schedule.
I knew my life was going to change after Caleb graduated high school and I knew what I had to do. I thought having this knowledge was enough preparation for the transition. I figured I would pick up where I left off and go with the flow. I didn’t. I struggled. Knowing what I couldn’t do wasn’t enough preparation. I had forgotten one crucial key: I needed to include what I could do. As a result, I went from an active, noisy schedule to silence. A tried and true recipe for discouragement and depression.
How I filled the void
I tried to keep busy with my other activities while ignoring my feelings. Not an effective way to deal with emotions because it comes out in other ways. And it did. I began to feel depleted. My life felt like a balloon aimlessly drifting in the wind. To fill the void, I started a cycle of binge-watching shows and then kicking myself for not being productive.
I was frustrated and didn’t know why. It would take some time working through my emotions to get to the heart of the matter: I was neglecting myself. I had been so consumed with creating a transitional plan for Caleb, I never thought about myself.
What I’ve learned
It’s just as important to create a transition plan for us as we do for our kids. It’s beneficial to take time to think about what your life will look like once your child graduates high school. Does this change mean you will have to stop working, volunteering or doing other activities to care for them?
Think about the things that are important to you. How are you going to make sure those needs are going to be met? Do you need to create new goals for yourself? How are you going to balance your schedule versus your child’s? Taking a little time to plan ahead will go a long way to improve your mental health in the future. Had I taken the time to create a thorough plan for myself, I could’ve saved some grief.