It was shortly after receiving this ultrasound picture that my husband and I were given the prognosis by the neonatologist that our baby may have a disability. He was leaning towards Down’s syndrome because of some of the markers he was seeing. Needless to say, this was the picture that changed the course of our life.
Is there any good way to tell someone unpleasant news? I tried to think of ways the neonatologist could have shared this news with us differently. But the fact of the matter is, there really is no painless way of sharing unpleasant news. No matter how he would have shared the prognosis, it would still be painful to hear.
I felt like my attitude towards my pregnancy changed after getting the prognosis. Before the prognosis, I was excited and happy about my pregnancy. When people congratulated me or asked me pregnancy questions, I happily answered their questions. After getting the prognosis, it wasn’t that I was not happy but there was a shadow over my happiness. The best way I could describe it is, it felt like sadness was sprinkled throughout my happiness. There was also uncertainty on my part on how much to share with people. If a person congratulated me on my pregnancy, should I say “Thank you but the doctor thinks the baby may have a disability??”
I kind of felt like I was lying if I didn’t say it but when I did share this bit of news, more often than not I would receive the “Oh, I’m so sorry” response. Followed by awkward head-nodding on both our parts, then silence and an abrupt departure or subject change generally by the good-willed individual who did the congratulating in the first place.
What have I learned?
Enjoy your pregnancy, accept the congratulations. The baby you are carrying isn’t any less worthy to be adored because he/she has a disability. Enjoy and treasure the miracle of a life growing inside of you. Not everyone understands or knows how to respond to disability. Expect to receive some awkwardness when you tell someone you have a child with a disability, it’s generally never malicious.
Above all, always remember it was God who started the work, both in you and your child, and it will be God who finishes it.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalms 139:13-14 NLT