As a parent of a child with a disability, I have enough worries to fill my cup to the brim. A large portion of them are the unknowns, especially about the future. It’s a scary place for me, filled with anxiety, worry and fear. I am very aware of the fragility of life, especially my son’s. I hold my breath at every doctor’s appointment, scared today will be the day tests reveal something I don’t want to hear. It’s not something any parent wants to think about. But sometimes it comes knocking on my door, uninvited and unwanted.
I don’t struggle with this as I once did when my son was a baby (read more about that here). I’ve learned how to be thankful for each day and to trust God for the future. More than anything else I know I’m not alone. God is with me, guiding and leading me every step of the way. It’s this knowledge that gives me the hope and strength to look the future in the eye and not be shaken. I don’t have the answers for all the unknowns. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I did because then I could plan better. As it is, I have to make my plans and then rely on this thing called faith.
This thing called faith
This thing called faith is believing and placing my hope in the nature and character of God based on His track record and trusting as He was faithful in the past, He will be faithful in the future.
This thing called faith isn’t easy because it means coming to terms with my humanity, knowing I don’t know it all. And despite all my research, I may not have the best answer. It’s accepting that about myself and acknowledging God does know what’s best and, He always has the right answer. This means I need to trust Him more when things aren’t going the way I planned. And that’s not always easy to do. It’s much easier to complain and dupe myself into believing my way is better.
But more than anything, this thing called faith is my bedrock. It’s the hope that wakes me up each morning and the comfort that puts me to bed each night. It reminds me I am never alone, there’s someone beside me every step of the way, holding my hand. And I never have to be afraid because He’s there to help me. And that’s why I rely on this thing called faith.
For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.