Somewhere on our travels through life, I’m sure most of us have stumbled upon the quote “To err is human; to forgive, divine”. It’s an excerpt from Alexander Pope’s An Essay on Criticism. Don’t let the title fool you, it’s more of a long poem rather than an essay (in our sense of the word anyway). You can read the entire poem here.
When Alexander Pope wrote about forgiveness he was writing about forgiving others but I’ve found forgiving ourselves is harder. This is especially true with moms (whether they have kids with disabilities or not). Many moms struggle with mom guilt. It’s the feeling no matter what you do it’s not good enough or you could be doing more or could’ve done more.
I’ve had moms share their parenting journeys with me and it’s amazing how many times I’ve heard guilt in one form or other. I hear stuff like, If only I had… or If only I hadn’t… or I wish I had…
I’m certainly not immune to it, it’s a frequent unwanted, uninvited visitor in my story as well. This is why I easily recognize it in others.
The problem is it’s not a good way to live. Because guilt has a way of trapping us in regret and filling us with shame. It can make us doubt every decision we make until we become so fearful of messing up, we become indecisive. Nobody needs that! Besides which, life is too short and precious to be held captive by guilt.
We all make mistakes
The first step to breaking free is to accept our limitations. It’s important to remember we are imperfect. We will make mistakes. It’s a normal, natural part of life and it’s okay. Ecclesiastes 7:20 says “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins.”
In other words, everyone makes mistakes. As moms of uniquely abled children (or adults), we need to give ourselves the grace and freedom to forgive ourselves when we mess up. There will be times when we have to make spur-of-the-moment decisions. When we won’t have time to research all the options and we have to make the best decision based on the information readily available to us. There will even be times when the decision we thought was best for our child will turn out to be a mistake years later. Thankfully, God’s power is greater than our mistakes.
When dealing with guilt it’s also important to remember mistakes don’t define us because God can still work through them. Romans 8:28 says “..God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. In other words, trust God.
What have I learned?
The best way to keep guilt at bay is knowing nothing in life is perfect, mistakes will happen. So we need to operate with the mindset of grace and trust God when we do make mistakes.