For many years I’ve been dealing with tingling in my arms and legs. It started on my left side but eventually affected the right. My arms and legs were in a constant state of pins and needles. It got to the point where I didn’t know what it was like NOT to have them tingle.
The worst part was going to sleep. I had to find a position where my arms weren’t so loud. It was as predictable as aiming for a target blindfolded. If by chance I hit the bullseye then I would have a good night’s sleep. If not, I would be tossing and turning. Adjusting my position all night because my arms were too loud.
In the beginning, as it didn’t inhibit my day-to-day activities, I viewed it as a nuisance and ignored it.
But when it persisted and I found myself constantly adjusting my body to prevent the tingling from getting worse. Or my limbs from going numb. I realized this wasn’t normal. So I scheduled a visit to my doctor. He ordered a round of blood work, an MRI, and visits to see different specialists.
All the tests came back normal. The cause of my malady remained a mystery. After I was left with a ton of medical bills and no answers, I stopped all further testing. I decided since it didn’t restrict me from doing my normal tasks, I was just going to deal with it.
The quest to find answers – part 2
Many more years passed. Needless to say, my symptoms didn’t improve. Now I had a different doctor. She ordered a new round of blood work. This time around it showed some vitamin deficiencies. I quickly started taking supplements hoping it was the solution. No such luck. My arms and legs continued to tingle.
I went through round two of testing. Thankfully, this time around the doctor found a probable cause. The next step was to fix the problem in the least invasive way possible. So I was referred to physical therapy (PT).
My PT experience
I got to be honest, I was skeptical about PT. Not really sure how it was going to help. Considering, I had been dealing with this for such a long time and nothing seemed to stop the tingling.
However, during the initial 5 minutes of the therapy session, my arms stopped tingling. I. Was. Shocked. My arms were loud ALL the time. There was never a second when they weren’t tingling. For them to be so quiet, blew my mind. I couldn’t believe how good they felt.
Apparently, my problems stemmed from poor posture. Probably from sitting hunched over a computer screen. I’m also sure inadequate stretching before and after workouts also contributed to the issue.
In addition, the physical therapist also found several knots in my upper back and left shoulder area. To get rid of it, he had to push into the knot, massaging it out. It hurt! The first time he began working out a knot, I instinctively pulled away. He told me I had to lean into the pain. Apparently, this was the only way to get rid of knots. I was assured once they were worked out, I would feel better. He was right! When he was done, my body felt great!
It dawned on me that leaning into the pain was a beautiful analogy for weathering difficult circumstances.
The unexpected life lesson
Leaning into the pain is a foreign concept to me. As I tend to instinctively pull away by wishing the season over. Often I ask God to remove the circumstance through miraculous intervention. But the last thought on my mind is to stay still and lean into the pain.
After all, why would I choose to lean into it? It hurts! Not to mention, it’s very uncomfortable and I don’t like it. There’s nothing about it that makes me want to stay still and lean into it.
I’d rather fast forward through it. My goal when life gets hard is survival. I want to get to the other side as quickly as possible and be thankful it’s over. So I’m running with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears. Wishing the season to end. Not wanting to hear, feel, or see anything. I want the suffering to cease.
Leaning into the pain
Then is when the analogy kicks in. What if my difficult circumstance is God working out a knot?
What if the pain I’m feeling is not something to run away from? What if it’s not a pain warning me of bad news or a problem? Like a broken or injured limb.
What if it’s a pain I need to lean into? A pain I need to stay still and experience in order to feel better. Like when a therapist is working out the knots in my back.
What I’m learning
Just because I’m going through hardships, doesn’t mean it’s bad.
When circumstances don’t go as planned. Or when I’m weathering difficult times. Instead of wishing the season to be over as quickly as possible, I’m learning to lay still and lean into the pain. Because it’s God working out the knots.