One of the issues I struggled with when we heard our son may have a disability (this was while I was still pregnant) was the fact I didn’t feel qualified to be a mom to a child with a disability. I didn’t know if I had the knowledge or foresight to handle the task.
In my mind being a mom to a child with a disability meant you needed to be on top of everything. The proverbial ‘having all her ducks in a row’ kind of mom. The ones who knew all the answers and if they didn’t, they knew where to find them. There was no way I could be one of those moms. Sometimes I couldn’t even find my keys, forget about trying to get all my ducks in a row.
Additionally, this was my first child. I had no experience being a mother. Babysitting someone else’s kids certainly doesn’t count. So not only did I have to figure out how to be a mom, but also a mom to a child with a disability. It was an overwhelming, panic inducing thought.
The heart of the matter
I had many reasons why I could never be a mom to a son with a disability. I even enlightened God about them in prayer (you know, in case He didn’t know). The reality was it had nothing to do with my inadequacies. It was all about fear. Specifically fear of failure. I was afraid I would fail my son. Afraid I would not be sufficient enough to meet his needs. Afraid my inadequacies may harm him in some way. After all, he deserved to have the best mother and I wasn’t sure I could be that person.
Would I have the energy and patience to be the best mother to this child? After all, this was not a one time situation. It was going to be all day, every day for a lifetime. My fear told me this was impossible. I was not qualified for the task.
What have I learned?
God entrusted this child to my care. He knows everything about me. EVERYTHING. He’s seen my resume, knows my qualifications and job experiences. He also knows about things one never puts on resumes, like failures, mistakes, bad choices. He knows it all, the good, the bad, and the unmentionable. He is fully aware of my inadequacies. Yet strangely, despite everything He saw, He chose me anyway.
God knows I am not perfect and I will never be. He created me after all. Additionally, he created my son which means He knows everything about him as well. He knows what my son needs to thrive. Based on this he paired us together. Why? Because He has already equipped or will equip me with everything I need for my son to flourish. Although, I may not see it, I AM everything he needs.
If nothing else, remember, you are the best mother for your child. You are EVERYTHING he needs. The perfect candidate for this job, failures, inadequacies, and all. Always remember, He who called you will also be faithful to equip you. You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t even need to know the questions. All you need to do is trust God. Believe He DOES have the answers and He WILL lead you.
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Phil 4:13