Catherine is Patty’s oldest daughter (you can read more about Patty, here, here and here) and I was beyond thrilled when she agreed to have a chat with me. I’m always curious about the perspective of the non-disabled sibling. It’s a viewpoint I don’t know much about and I’m interested in learning more.
Catherine and I met one rainy spring morning. The kind that’s best spent wrapped in a cozy blanket, reading a book and drinking a nice warm beverage at home. But we braved the rain (and the bad hair day on my part) and met at a local coffee shop.
Over cups of coffee, we talked about her life as a sister to someone with a disability.
Random facts about Catherine
She’s a nurse and works nights at a local hospital.
She lives within a reasonable driving distance from her parents.
Her favorite dessert is cheesecake.
If she could go anywhere, her dream vacation would be to Ireland.
One of her pet peeve’s is people driving slow in the fast lane on the highway.
One item she can’t leave home without (in addition to her phone) is sunglasses.
If she was one of the seven dwarfs from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, she’d be Sleepy.
Fun fact, she drove to California from Oklahoma all by herself when she was 18 years old.
Growing up with a sibling with a disability
Catherine’s sister wasn’t born with a disability. Instead it was the result of her bout with E.Coli. I know that her sister and parents lives had changed after the illness. But I wanted to know if Catherine’s life had changed.
Unfortunately, she was too young to remember because she was only 3 at the time her sister got sick. Neither can she recall the time before her sister got sick. From her perspective she’s never known a time when her sister didn’t have a disability.
Since she never had a basis for comparison she never viewed her family as different. That changed a little bit when she was in elementary school. This was when she did began to notice the uniqueness of her family. But it was more of an observation rather than anything else.
The impact of having a sibling with a disability
Of course this doesn’t mean Catherine’s life wasn’t affected by having a sister with a disability, because it was. It’s had an impact on her life in many ways.
Take her career for example. She’s not sure if she would’ve pursued a nursing career if her sister didn’t have a disability.
It’s also had an impact on her relationship with her sister. She doesn’t have the typical sister bond. Unlike her co-workers and peers whose relationships with their siblings have changed and deepened as they grew older. Catherine’s relationship with her sister has stayed the same. She’s never shared secrets, commiserate with or even exchanged childhood memories with her sister. Because regardless of how old her sister gets, she’ll still be very childlike in her interests. She’ll always be her perpetual little sister.
Her sister’s disability will also affect Catherine’s future. She’ll be her sister’s guardian when her parents pass away. Or if they’re unable to care of her sister due to failing health. It’s a scenario she wouldn’t have had to deal with if her sister didn’t have a disability.
Another impact, is the fact she understands the reality of taking care of someone with a disability. She’s seen her parents take care of her sister. She understands the struggles and hardships. It’s definitely a perspective she wouldn’t have had if she didn’t have a sister with a disability.
Her advice to parents
One advice she would give to parents raising kids with disabilities is to treat the kids the same. This was something that was modeled in her home. Granted her sister needed more attention and help than she did. Yet within these parameters her parents still treated them the same.
Catherine still had a curfew. She had rules she needed to follow at home. They weren’t pushed aside because she had a sister with a disability.
When she played soccer, her father coached. Her mom and sister would attend the games. They modified and adapted to make circumstances work for them as a family.
Her parents also made sure each girl received special attention. Her father would do a birth day date night. Each month on the day they were born, he would have a special daddy/daughter date. For Catherine, her father would take her out the 28th of every month. For her sister, it was the 5th of every month.
Final thoughts
As I sat and listened to this lovely young lady, I wondered how much of her personality was impacted by having a sibling with a disability. Would she be the strong, independent, eloquent young lady she is today, if she grow up in a different environment?
After all, she’s experienced a world many of her peers have never known. One filled with hospitals and therapy visits. Surgeries and seizures. And play areas in hospital waiting rooms.
Ultimately, as she said, a disability doesn’t change that fact they’re sisters. Although their relationship may not mirror those of her friends, she still loves her sister and will do anything for her. In the end isn’t that what being a family is all about? Supporting, loving and being there for each other.
Love this! So glad she shared her perspective.
Yes, me to!