While looking through my journal I came across a prayer that I had written several weeks after the Thursday call in June, right after making the decision to seek treatment elsewhere. The day I wrote this prayer, we had received one bad news after another and I felt discouraged. We were in another state, far from the familiar and I wasn’t sure if we had made the right decision. Our circumstances seemed to be screaming that we had heard wrong because every door was slamming shut. Yet I know hope isn’t circumstantial and just because nothing was working out the way we planned, doesn’t mean God’s wasn’t working. He was, I just couldn’t see how. In the midst of all the uncertainty I wrote out this prayer, I’ve tweaked it a bit from the original but the sentiment remains the same and I hope it gives you peace, as it did me.
Father, I don’t know where this road is taking me or what’s happening next. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, or even where I am right now. I am living minute by minute, unable to look beyond the step I’m on while anxiety threatens to drown me in wave after wave of unrelenting fearful thoughts.
But I believe you are with me and your hand of blessing is on my head. I believe you are still leading me, even in this uncertainty. I know your ways are higher and better than mine and your plans are for my good. I know I am more than an overcomer because of your Spirit living in me that equips me to do all things through Christ. I choose to fix my mind on these truths so that fear doesn’t derail me.
I don’t know where this path is taking me. I don’t even know my next steps. But help me not lean on my own understanding. Help me submit my will to you and trust you. Direct my steps and help me keep my eyes focused on you. Amen